i don't know, i don't know if anyone has ever noticed i haven't been sleeping so well the past few days.
I'm busy with my studies, my projects and my friendships.

While my projects take up most of time, you however take up whatever spare time i have. I think and i think and i think, are things going well for the two of us? Have we yet returned to the path where we start drifting away again, like everyone I've gotten close to?

Night after night, day after day, this situation just stays in my mind, am i crazy to ever think that this will actually work out.. because so many times i feel that it won't. We're all busy, we're all stressed but i have never forget that you're special and i try, i try, i try to care. But everytime i seem to talk, it just appears to offend you. Maybe i shouldn't have, but am i wrong when it comes to being me, being me when i'm talking to you? Maybe it is, maybe i should have been more sensitive, maybe i should have apologised another time again.

I'm always trying, but what about you? Whenever i share things with you, my preferences, you don't seem to care you don't seem to be interested and you get a free pass in saying whatever you want about me to me and i don't have that free pass, am i crazy to think and feel that this is unfair?

I'm subjected to your temper, but i've never let you be a victim of my anger and fear because no matter what you say, i know you bear no ill intent and therefore you don't deserve it, maybe its different when you subject me to yours.

I'd always try again, but you aren't the only one suffering right now. Maybe you are aware of that, but maybe its your refusal to accept that you aren't the only one and you want the world to revolve around you.

It isn't all you, its about me too. I give and i give but what do i ever receive from you?

So tell me whatever happen to 'i'd try' when you said it? You might just say its me, but no not this time. I'm not being sensitive, i'm realistic.

I supported your dreams and passion with enthusiasm. I'd hear you out on whatever you say. I would never have judged your preferences.

Did you? I'd always try because i promised and i know what it feels like to lose someone like you, but have u felt that pain? Maybe if u did you would be trying harder.

But i can't blame you. How can i ever blame you? Your actions are only a result from your circumstances and theres nothing to changed about yours. So probably all i can ever do is just to swallow it, swallow my pride, say i'm sorry for trying, sorry for your overreaction.

Am i crazy to think you actually prioritize others over me? Am i crazy to think that all i ever will get is just hurt? Maybe at the back of your mind you realise that you can have better options over me, but has it ever occurred to you that right now i have the same options as you do?

But maybe all of this is the creation of me, of my fucked up brain.  I never intended for all this to happen.