'they say you got one more chance to do right dont fuck up'

Obsession

Unit training ended awhile back, and i'm gonna head for a jog. A jog. And it dawned upon me, am i too obsessed with weight loss? Am i? I lost 14kgs already but it doesn't seem to be enough. When i started losing weight, i told myself that i would stop at 75. After CLT course, i told myself i would stop at 71. And now i'm at 68 trying to balance my weight. I haven't jog since tuesday and it doesn't feels right for me to not go jog later on. 

Am i obsessed with weight loss or am i just trying to stay fit? 

I don't know. I was once a fat insecure, low self esteem fella. That was probably what pushed me to go lose weight. Iosing weight is a satisfaction. I like to be slimmer and what not. But has this motivation to lose weight to look good drove me to the point of obsession?  

I don't know. Am i normal? all i want to be is to fit into society. This is normal right? I am.... normal right? 

Acceptance;

Its alright if i'm not good enough. 

Its alright if i had good intentions but i was mistaken.

Its alright if i tried my best but the world thinks otherwise.

Its alright if i tried to reach out to someone but got rejected.

Its alright if my parents think of me as a failure.

Its alright if people i valued so much, didn't feel the same way about me. 

Its alright if im not appreciated.

Its alright. I realise that if we stopped wondering why do unpleasant stuff happen to us, and just accept the fact that this is part and parcel of life, life gets easier to breathe. Don't get me wrong, i'm still suffocating. I'm still drowning. But im learning to float. 

Acceptance works, it provides some sense of closure in my life, it provides some satisfaction that i managed to stay true to myself. But acceptance is like a double edged sword. 

On one hand, it provides closure. On the other, you have to come to terms that life isn't and wouldn't be how you want it to be. that life isn't truly so pleasant.

I've been hurt, i've been bruised. 

But i accept my circumstances. I accept who i am. I don't see a need to strip my originality to suit the world.

To my dearest

The first time I looked in your eyes I knew
I would do anything for you
the first time you touched my face I felt
what I never felt with anyone else.
I want to give back what you've given to me
I want to witness all of your dreams
now what you've shown me who I really am
I wanna be more than just your man

I wanna be the wind the fills your sails
be the hand the lifts your veil
be the moon that moves your tide
and sun coming up in your eyes
be the wheel that never rusts
be the spark that lights you up
all that you've been dreaming of and more
soo much more
I wanna be your everything.

When you wake up, I'll be the first thing you see
and when it get's dark you can reach out to me
I'll cherish your worries I'll finish your thoughts
I'll be your compass baby, when you get lost.

be the wind the fills your sails
be the hand the lifts your veil
be the moon that moves your tide
and sun coming up in your eyes
be the wheel that never rusts
be the spark that lights you up
all that you've been dreaming of and more
soo much more
I wanna be your everything.

be the wheel that never rusts
be the spark that lights you up
all that you've been dreaming of and more
soo much more
I wanna be your everything.

cheer up, i'm here. always. all ways.

http://www.sixbillionsecrets.com/Illustrated+Secrets/It-Can-Only-Go-So-Far/1910195
my first ever post.

I cannot hold this anymore
my hands are tired of only waiting to let go
and I am waiting still
I used to know which way to turn
you were a light inside a tunnel in my head
I try to follow still

its hard to see you we are older now
and when I find you you just turn around
this is a black and white of you I found
I hang you up and then I pull you down

no more apologies from me
my arms are tired of picking up what I put down
you're all I think of still
I'm gonna miss you every day
I turn my back on anyone who won't believe
and it gets lonely still

its hard to see you we are older now
and when I find you you just turn around
this is a black and white of you I found
I hang you up and then I pull you down

I get lost sometimes
another year flies by
but I know if I try
memories of the light in your eyes
can take me back in time

its hard to see you we are older now
and when I find you you just turn around
this is a black and white of you I found
I hang you up and then I pull you down

I don't hear music anymore
my ears are tired of all the pictures in the words
you are in them still

quite confused with what i want in life recently. But i've been trying to keep a positive mindset and it seems to be working. I'm less sad now but sometimes... hahahais. 

Here I am, here I stand
I stand amazed
Your beauty has surrounded me
It has beckoned me to be who You
Say that I am
You make everything new

If I could run and fall into Your arms
And lay before all I have in store
Then I would

Now I stand, now I live
I live for you
The beauty of the cross and love
It has beckoned me to be who You
Say that I am
You make everything new

If I could run and fall into Your arms
And lay before all I have in store
Then I would

The day will come
The day is soon when I see You
All glory shown
All power loose
When I see You

Now I will run and fall into Your arms
And lay before all I have in store
Yes I will\\\










all i have is lost.