When i was in Kindergarten and lower primary, my teachers always told me that my father was my bestfriend. My superhero. My role model. 

Sure, that young, i believed that that was true. So i told you many things, my feelings and my thoughts. And each time you never fail to shoot me down. You broke my heart many times when i was really young. When i was impressionable. 

you do have your good points. But as  i was growing up, i saw how you treated my siblings. I saw how whenever i stood up and protected them when you beat them, you continued beating me for doing that non stop. 

I remember how you made me strip naked and threw hot milo on me. 

I remember how you slapped me with a shoe in public. 

I remember how you slapped me till my mouth bled. 

I remember how you canned me 99 times, each stripes down my back. 

I remember you forcing me to stay awake until 1am when i was in p4 to do your work and how you hit my hand whenever i made a mistake. 

I remember how you threw all my books in my face and how it knocked me over. 

I remember how you used a belt to whip me. 

I remember all the crude and harsh words you used against me. Your own child. 

I remember you caning my hands till it trembled non stop.

I remember you slapping my head whenever i couldn't grasp a topic.

I remember how you always insulted me. 

It really hurts alot. It really does. I couldn't understand why wasn't my father the way how my teachers thought he should be. I couldn't understand why my friends were so happy around their fathers while the only emotion i felt was fear. 

I am a product of your upbringing. Your words affected how i thought of myself. Your actions made me who i am today. And you broke me apart so badly. And i would never be okay.